For those taking part in the #DearJohn campaign on Twitter, here is a list of the co-sponsors of H.R. 3 who are on Twitter, if you wish to direct @ reply tweets to them regarding this monstrous piece of legislation:
This list was compiled from the list of co-sponsors of the bill as found here and this list of Twitter accounts as well as @ replies to my inquiry on Twitter for people to give me the accounts of their co-sponsoring representatives.
…it leads to what I call the “boiling frog” problem of women’s sexual boundaries. I call it that because if you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will jump right out, but if you put a frog into a pot of room-temperature water and slowly heat it to a boil, the frog will acclimate as it heats and never jump out, eventually boiling to death. Similarly, when we learn as young girls to tolerate “low-level” boundary violations like the ones we often are forced to suffer in silence at school, at home and on the street – bra-snapping, boob-grabbing, ass pinching, catcalling, dick flashing “all in good fun” relentless violations that adults and authorities routinely ignore – it makes it harder for us to notice when even greater boundaries are being violated, eventually leading to the reality that many women who are raped just freeze and fall silent, because that’s what they’ve been taught to do over and over since day one.
Though tools are available for sexual violence survivors, many people do not have resources available in their area. And for some, even small costs make attending support groups, conferences, and retreats out of reach. Pandora’s Project believes every survivor should have access to quality support and education, and this grant will help us make healing available to all.
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It worries me so deeply that this is what we’re up against. People are so unaware of rape culture that they see it as more likely for a woman to make a false rape claim and attempt suicide as a result of the ensuing guilt, than for a woman to attempt suicide as the result of the trauma of an actual rape. People understand the trauma of rape so poorly that they can’t understand why a victim might be terrified to be directly questioned by hir rapist in court. People respect victims’ rights so little that they see this case and feel neither outrage nor compassion, but a sense that the victim must be a liar.
I am thinking, for example, of one teenage girl I met in the ER who had been raped by her sister’s boyfriend. He used verbal intimidation and his dominant strength to carry out the attack, but very little violence (apart from the rape, which itself is an act of violence). But she had no bruises, no cuts, no broken bones. And it was over in 10 minutes. There would be no subsequent trail leading detectives to uncover some egregious corporate scandal of grandiose proportions, an underground black market for selling babies, or some rare, poisonous concoction. But does that make this girl’s trauma any less worthy, less urgent, less heart-wrenching?
Parents and teachers of boys - does this not infuriate you, this speaking of men like they are sociopaths who cannot help but rape or manipulate in pursuit of selfish pleasure? Parents and teachers of girls - do your hearts not break at these warnings to girls to be constantly fearful and vigilant?
There is a better way to talk and teach about sexual negotiation and consent, a more realistic and ethical approach that would, I believe, also be more successful in reducing sexual assault. It begins with thinking of sex as the outcome of a collaboration rather than a battle, as dancing rather than fighting.