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Here’s an example situation:
You are engaging in some feisty consensual fun with your partner. And then you’re preparing for sex; legs are being spread, whatever.
And your partner says, “What are you doing?” That right there, my friend, is a good sign he/she has ceased to be comfortable with what’s happening.
You say, “Let’s have sex.” And he/she could say no, not right now, anything else that is not consent. You, like an informed person, stop immediately.
But you’re horny, and he/she is so gorgeous, and you just want to have that closeness, so you try again a little bit later.
Again, your partner says, “What are you doing?”
“Let’s have sex,” you say.
Your partner is silent for a while, then says, “..okay, I guess.” (Those words are another good sign that while this person is technically consenting, he/she DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX.)
Because you now have verbal consent, you start to get it on. Except your partner’s all tense and you keep having to say, “Relax.. relax.. it’ll be okay.. just relax..”
STOP IMMEDIATELY. Even though you have obtained verbal consent, your partner is NOT COMFORTABLE. With 100% consensual sex, everyone involved should be completely comfortable and relaxed.
1. Play one empowering song a day. A song that usually reminds me of how I survived is “Thrash Unreal” by Against! Me or So What! By Pink. I don’t really remember any other songs but if you know any that make you feel powerful or the possibility to do anything send me a song in my ask box!
2. Learn through Self-Defense/Karate/Ju Jistu* that your body is a weapon, not an orphus for penetration or a place of self-harm. Once I come to terms that they essentially only hurt my body, not my soul, I will be able to come to terms that they did not damage “me”. When you realize that you have physical strength over an attacker you are able to understand that you now possess strength and can easily overcome flashbacks and fears. This is the most important step as you understand the full potential of your body and you now have knowledge of your full potential also.
3. Try And Eat healthy foods. Treat your body like a sanctuary. When you gain self-respect for what you do to your body, you will not let anyone tamper with your body since you have worked so hard treat it right.
4. Write impossible goals down everyday. What’s the point of living if you don’t want to do something fantastic? This will help me realize that I am not an artifact, but a new found existence. This will help spark my imagination and will to live.
5. Start being assertive with your surroundings. Start walking with perfect posture and under no circumstance slouch or look disorientated in public. Once you change your stature you will gain confidence.
6. Do homework every day with complete concentration. If you don’t do your homework, feelings of inadequacy and insecurity take place. Once you put forth 100% into your work, you will essentially feel better about yourself.
7. Create something every day. Whether this involves finger painting (Which is a tactic used for people with Bullimia/Anorexia as you learn to break away from perfection and just paint), writing short poems, painting, sketching, making dinner, writing a letter to a friend, making music. This will boost self-esteem and help realize that one has the power to create instead of realizing that they were a creation.
8. Wear your favorite clothes more often. This will make you feel like you have the ultimate choice for your happiness and how you feel about yourself. Although it may seem rather shallow, whenever I wear my favorite clothes on a bad day I feel a little bit better about my overall appearance.
9. Go on a walk, experience nature. Getting away from the complications of modern day life, and the anxiety from school and inner anguish and escaping to nature will automatically calm you down. This has helped me before as you appreciate physical feelings versus mental/emotional. You learn to become one with your surroundings versus keeping everything that’s surrounding you inside.
10. Instead of unhealthy habits when anxious or upset, drink water. Drinking eight glasses of water is an already necessity for health. Considering that the most liquids anyone drinks is Soda society has engaged in unhealthy behaviors. The number one weight loss rule is to start drinking water, this helps filter toxins from food and you gain more energy. When I first started drinking 8 glasses a day for two months, I lost 12 pounds. I am already extremely small as I weigh 103 right now, but drinking water-even if you are thin you still have toxins and it is extremely important that we stay hydrated no matter our appearance. Drinking water is the smart thing to do, and it will make you feel proud when you first begin this healthy choice at a restaurant or at home.
I wrote this because I really need to start changing for the better. I really recommended this to anyone who wants to better their self-esteem, and I am really going to strive to do this every day. The self-defense part doesn’t have to be daily, but stretching and exercising can really help you realize your physical potential. If anyone wants to do this with me, I would love and support you all the way :)
The campaign Viol: La honte doit changer de campe launches today. Here’s some more information from the website contrelevoil.fr (translated by me!)
CHAQUE ANNEE EN FRANCE, PLUS DE 198 000 FEMMES SONT VICTIMES DE VIOL OU DE TENTATIVE DE VIOL.
75 000 SONT VIOLEES.
JE SUIS L’UNE D’ELLES, JE PEUX ETRE L’UNE D’ELLES
EACH YEAR IN FRANCE, MORE THAN 198,000 WOMEN ARE VICTIMS OF RAPE OR ATTEMPTED RAPE.
75,000 ARE RAPED
I AM ONE OF THEM, I COULD BE ONE OF THEM
Chaque acte sexuel forcé est un instrument de déshumanisation. Il est une négation de notre volonté, le mépris de notre consentement. Les hommes ne sont pas plus que les femmes régis par des « pulsions sexuelles irrépressibles ». Le viol n’a rien à voir avec un désir soi-disant incontrôlable.
Each forced sexual act is an instrument of dehumanisation. It is a negation of our will, contempt of our consent. Men are no more than women governed by “irrepressible sexual urges”. Rape has nothing to do with so-called uncontrollable desire.
Il est une humiliation, une appropriation, une domination des hommes sur le corps et le sexe des femmes et des filles. Plus de 75 000 femmes violées par an : il ne s’agit pas seulement d’une somme de crimes isolés, à classer dans les faits divers, mais une marque que notre société reste profondément inégalitaire dans les relations femmes-hommes.
It is a humiliation, an appropriation, a domination by men on the body and the sex of women and girls. More than 75,000 women are raped per year: it’s not just about the sum of isolated crimes, to classify in the news in brief, but a sign that our society remains profoundly unequal in the relationship between men and women.
Sous l’effet de la peur, de la pression de notre entourage, de la volonté d’oublier, une majorité d’entre nous n’a pas porté plainte. Nous dénonçons la tolérance de notre société vis-à-vis du viol. En France, on estime que seulement 2% des violeurs sont condamnés.
Under the effect of fear, the pressure of our social circle, the will to forget, a majority of women do not press charges. We denounce society’s tolerance towards rape. In France it is estimated that only 2% of rapists are convicted.
Nous dénonçons la stigmatisation des victimes de viol qui doivent trop souvent affronter dénégations, accusations et rejet. Nous refusons de nous laisser culpabiliser sur notre tenue, notre comportement, nos fréquentations. Aucune honte ne doit peser sur nous. Nous devons être entendues sur ce que nous avons subi. Le viol est un crime. Les agresseurs doivent être jugés et condamnés.
Une femme sur 10 a été violée ou le sera au cours de sa vie. Dans 8 cas sur 10, l’agresseur est connu de la victime. Le viol n’est pas une fatalité. Il est le signe d’une société profondément sexiste.
We denounce the stigmatisation of rape victims who must often face denial, accusations and dismissal. We refuse to let them feel guilty for their clothing, their behaviour, their socialising. No shame should weigh on them. We must let them be heard about what they have been subjected to. Rape is a crime. The attackers must be judged and convicted. One woman out of ten has been raped or will be during the course of her life. In 8 cases out of 10, the attacker is known to the victim. Rape is not an inevitability. It is the sign of a profoundly sexist society.
Cette réalité peut changer. Cette réalité doit changer !
This reality can change. This reality must change!
Nous refusons que la peur du viol imprègne notre quotidien et nos comportements. Nous voulons être pleinement libres dans l’espace privé et dans l’espace public.
We refuse to let the fear of rape take over our daily lives and our behaviour. We want to be fully free in public and private places.
More information, images, facts, figures and videos coming later. In the meantime, please, please, please sign the petition, join the Facebook page, follow the Twitter feed @contreleviol and reblog this post.