really great things from the New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault
“ So by grouping all sexual offenses together—from groping to violent rape—the D.C. police department has obscured (intentionally or not) the increase in reports of the more serious offenses.
Save Yourself
There’s a big difference between love and abuse. We see love being defined a thousand different ways, but society pretends abuse is so simple. It’s not.
Abuse is when your partner gives you a black eye.
Abuse is when you are disrespected by your partner.
Abuse is when your partner screams at you in jealousy.
Abuse is when your partner throws you to the floor.
Abuse is when you feel uncomfortable, injured, hurt, or abused by your partner.
Abuse has just as many shades of gray and as much lack of clarity as love can. Once you decide your own limits, you define abuse for yourself. For some people, that’s a really simple proposition: “This is my line, and you can’t cross it.” For others, it’s the basis for a lifetime of questioning: “I would do anything to make my significant other happy.” I’m trying to simplify something that is incredibly complicated to try to tell whoever is reading this that if he or she feels uneasy with how his or her partner treats their relationship, there is help. No one should ever feel that they have to stay in a bad relationship for any reason. There are good people out there who will help you get out of a bad situation. You still have to take the first step and contact these people. If you, or someone you know needs help, contact these resources and change your circumstances. You are not trapped.
The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN)
Love is Respect - National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline
a lot of didn’t like this campaign. what would yours look like instead?
-create one that you think would be better
-tell us how we should spread the word
Lacy is an American performance artist whose performance art work has often dealt with community outreach and group performances rather than solo work. She views these collaborative performances as overtly political, and considers that her pieces “function as public hearing to advance policy”. Although her focus has now turned to youth advocacy and empowerment, several of her pieces from the 1970s and 1980s concentrated on the experience of women, particular women who had survived sexual violence. Her pieces Three Weeks in May and In Mourning and in Rage both addressed the issue of violence against women by publicly staging rape and sexual violence. Although these performances may not have happened in a traditional theatrical setting, they are nevertheless theatre.
“
We live in the culture that frames women as bodies whose purpose is sexual availability to men, or secondarily reproduction. The Commodity Model (for those familiar with my Yes Means Yes essay Toward a Performance Model of Sex) posits that consent is passive so that the absence of no is consent. That kind of thinking justifies all sorts of aggression and intrusion.
What I don’t know is how. Since the research shows that the actual rapists are a narrow proportion, it’s unlikely that there are four out of five or so standing together on the street.
I have a theory, though. My theory is that one of them was the ringleader, that he made up his own mind to violate Kendall’s boundaries. Because he’s a bad guy who likes sexually assaulting women. The other guys are sheep. They went along with the social cues because they are easily lead and because the prevailing culture creates the conditions where they can convince themselves that going along with a leader on a sexual assault is okay. Maybe one guy just stood there. I don’t know why; it’s possible he knew what they were doing was wrong, but lacked the courage to stand up to and get in the way of the developing situation.
I don’t know for sure that this is how it happened, but that’s what I think. And if I’m right, there are two implications. First, the broader cultural narrative that permissions men to treat women’s bodies like property is the overlay that allows this to happen. Change that, and the go-along guys will not go along. More immediately, the second thing is that these guys who are easily led need better leaders. The cis het men who are one of the guys in this situation need to set an example, to stand up and say that what is going on is wrong. My guess, and it’s just a guess, is that if the guy who didn’t participate had said, nice and loud, “That’s not right! Leave her alone!” then there would have been one asshole groper and not four. And then Kendall could have called him out on his bullshit with considerably less concern that she’d get stomped for standing up for her basic human rights. (We cannot change the predators; we can only isolate them so that their behavior stands out as aberrant, and requiring response.)
For those of us who are cis het men, that’s our job. We cannot cede leadership to the bad guys. We have to lead.
“
Widespread rumors about an alleged sexual assault at Trinity High School prompted Principal Donald Snoke to send a message to parents today disputing the allegation.
He sent the message through an automated call and via e-mail. His message was also posted on the district Web site.
The messages came after students started a Facebook page demanding that a student be removed from school for a sexual assault.
Students also posted posters on school walls Wednesday with statistics about unreported rapes. Staff members removed the posters.
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Trinity dispels rumors of alleged sexual assault
A fist-bump for those awesome Trinity students.
The only comment on the article right now:
I beleieve that the issue of the posters stating statics on unreported rape should be addressed. I also beleive the school should ask students why they posted them. Instead of just tearing them down.
(via amandaw)
(via ihatethismess)
Take Back The Night
So, I was sitting in CAT 125 lecture yesterday and we were learning about pitches and watching speeches and commencement addresses, and I started thinking to myself, I never wrote about the annual “Take Back The Night” event that took place a few weeks back. It was such a great and moving event, and I figured I would write something about it.
It got me thinking about my friends, family, and people around me, and how issues of rape and sexual assault is still something we as a world society keep hushed up about. Talking about it makes the issue more prominent, and in situations where it could become an issues, say at a party or someplace else, we will speak up about it and help our community members.
Well, I can regretfully say that it was my first and last time I could ever attend “Take Back The Night,” since I’ll be graduating, but for me, it was better late then never. I don’t know why I kept myself away from this event. It could have been time, the date, or just me forgetting, but I know I have friends who are heavily involved with Women’s Issues and the Women’s Center on campus, so for me to click no or just ignore those Facebook event invites was kind of ridiculous.
But regardless of that regret, I will never regret spending that single night in April to encourage the UCSD community to “Take Back The Night” once and for all.
The night consisted of musical performances by the Dots at UCSD. Then the Sexual Assault & Violence Prevention Resource Center talked about the resources on campus that students can use to get help when facing these issues. Then, Jaclyn Friedman, author of Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power & A World Without Rape spoke about taking back the night for so many years, and that by now, we would think we as a society would have already eliminated sexual violence. However, this is not the case, and that she and all of us would continue fighting. She gave her keynote address, but the Price Center fire alarms went off, so she did it through the noise, and used the alarm as the call to action. It was cool though, because she had a bigger audience, even if the alarm was really annoying.
After that, the Center for Community Solutions talked about their resources and the help they offer to the community. Then, the hardest part of the night came for many, which was the Open-Mic Testimonials.
Many students and individuals went into the spotlight to talk about issues they have faces. They were so personal, but I think it was liberating for many to be able to speak on the issues and not be hushed up or judged. I have not experienced anything that these people have faced, and when I say people I mean men and women alike, but to hear them speak and be so brave, it inspired me.
I have heard too many stories of rape and sexual assault and violence through friends and people I do not even know. At that moment, I felt like this needed to stop. That was when I decided to go up myself and voice my frustration and the ignorance of people that think that it is not an issue, or of whom thinking raping people or sexually assaulting people is okay.
The truth is: IT IS NEVER OKAY TO RAPE, SEXUALLY ASSAULT, OR VIOLATE SOMEONE!
There is always this notion of “NO, MEANS NO” that is told to people over and over. But, I do like that there is a “YES, MEANS YES” mentality, too, and that sexuality and sexual needs are important when full consent and mutual desire is there.
As a male, I think comes this notion of instant privilege. I never have to walk outside and fear the extra fear a lot of my female friends have to face. I never have to carry pepper spray around when walking home at night. I am never truly conscious of that. However, that is just me. I know many males who still don’t feel that same safety.
Why is that?
I think one answer to this is that there are people out there who think it is okay to do horrible sick things to other people. I think that of anything I took away from “Take Back The Night” was what Jaclyn Friedman said. She said that, “Rapists know what they are doing and they like raping people.”
This was so powerful. I never thought of it that way. It sounded funny when she first said it, but then it sunk it and it was more chilling to think about it more and more.
After the testimonials, we all took a short walk for a candlelight vigil in honor of everyone who has ever been raped, sexually assaulted, or has experienced any form of sexual violence.
The biggest thing for this night was the impact on me and my friends. I encouraged two of my friends, one who was enthusiastic about going because she had never heard of the event, and another who almost did not attend because she wanted to study. After the night, they were both inspired and moved. And, I can say I am very happy and glad they decided to go and educate themselves about the issues, especially that one of my friends knew very little about issues around rape.
I encourage everyone to either click on the logo above, which will take you to Take Back The Night’s official website, or click HERE to visit the website.
“I think these were the most shocking statistics I have ever come across.
683,000 rapes occur every year.
That equals more than one per minute
61% of rape victims are under age 18
Only 2% of rapists are convicted and imprisoned.”
“ Don’t tell us you’re not dangerous, not out to get us, not one of them. We don’t want to hear it. We don’t need to hear it. Tell them. Tell those men who operate under the assumption that all men are like that. They think you’re on their side and that emboldens them. Contrary to one commenter’s claim, I am not asking for chivalry. I am asking you to put your privilege to good use and be an ally. If you are, as you say, one of the “good guys.
