Opening this up to all you smart and wonderful people!
Anonymous asked:
I don’t feel like I’m a survivor yet…and I don’t know how to get there. How do I get there?
I want to start a secret garden, in honor of all the survivors of self harm, abuse and suicide attempts.
re-posting this on the community pages again today because it is such an awesome project!
For every person that sends me a message, or replies to this post and tells me they are a survivor, I’ll plant a flower, just for you.
You can submit your survival here http://tearsofrain.tumblr.com/submit
You don’t have to share the details, and I won’t post any of your stories, but I will post your flowers, and by the end of the summer, I hope to have this garden grown, just like us.
I want each flower to represent our journeys through all the dirt, to finally reach the sun.
If you want to join this idea, and plant a garden of your own, please reblog and help me spread this idea.
I speak openly about my sexual assault because…
everytime I talk about it, I take a little more power back. Its been 6 years and almost 4 months since it happened. I’m a survivor and am proud of that, if he hadn’t done that to me I wouldn’t be the woman I am today.
I was a 14 year old virgin who was raped. I’m no long a rape victim. I’ve decided to stop being hurt by what happened and turn it into something positive. Each time I talk about it I get a little stronger and fear him a lot less.
(To anyone who may not like this post and me practically announcing what happened to me to the world…don’t bitch just stop reading my page. I’m not looking for sympathy I’m hoping to empower other sexual assault survivors.)
Survivor
torispencerkeene:
Don’t let anyone make you less. Whoever you are there is a wonderful, beautiful person inside of you. You deserve the best of life. Do not let the pain of the past coat your future with shame. Do not be ashamed of the pain you have endured. Be proud that you survived it and live to fight one more day!
The final phase of “Reconnection”
“The final phase of “Reconnection” emphasizes that the goal is not simply to re-live the trauma. but rather to reconnect to the world and develop new relationships. With support the survivor can become less isolated and can experiment with forming new social bonds. Recovery is marked by establishing new connections to the world and developing new relationships that are supportive to the survivor.”
I’ve mentioned before about the stages/phases as written by Judith Herman on PTSD. The Reconnection phase that I found myself stepping foot in, then out, then in again, over and over. Retracting from life and friends when I felt overwhelmed.
I’ve become so much stronger the past few weeks, some bad days, but mostly good. I have had FEW nightmares. I had a great breakthrough last week, though hard. I’ve had anger, sadness, happiness….a range of emotions without any going out of the range of normal. And I have reconnected.
I started by making calls. Called a friend on Sunday whom literally hadn’t heard my voice in about 6 months. I made plans to see her, though it gives me a bit of anxiety, I feel ready to reconnect. I made wedding plans, with no anxiety. With JOY. The idea of being surrounded by people doesn’t give me any anxiety, it gives me something to look forward to. I am so excited for my friend’s wedding on Sunday, not scared about being surrounded by people, by being literally on stage as a Bridesmaid!
This is all new…wanting to be with people. Inviting people to concerts, setting up dates. I feel human!! I am anticipating my sister’s visit over memorial day weekend. We are going to do something in memory of the one year anniversary of her abduction and rape. and i’m not scared. i’m excited. Is that weird?
I found I have a safe place. In therapy, in my Fiance’s arms. I find mourning and remembrance comes and goes and always will. And I feel reconnected to not only the world again, but to myself.
I’m excited, I’m happy, and even find myself thinking of the future, expecting I’ll live to see it and asking, without fear; What is in store for me this next year?
If you ever come across people who have been victims of sexual assault, there are several things you can do that can help them a great deal.
* Believe them.
* Tell them the assault was not their fault.
* Encourage them to make their own decisions and then support those decisions. Do not tell them what to do.
* Ask them if they want to talk, and then take the time to listen.
* Invite them to concerts, activities, dinner, places in nature.
* Ask how they are doing; offer hugs.
* Allow them to cry without telling them to stop or calm down.
* Offer to help find resources and information. Offer to accompany to appointments with rape counselors, the police, or local hospitals.
* In cases of an attempted rape, do not say “at least you didn’t get raped.” Any kind of unwanted sexual contact is a violation.
* Do not tell them to forget about it and move on. People must heal in their own way, at their own pace.
* Allow them to tell you what they want you to know. Do not ask for details if they do not volunteer to. If they do not want to talk about it with you, encourage them to talk with someone else.
* Show kindness and affection in ways that are appropriate and comfortable for them.
* Do not ask why they did or did not do certain things.
* Read books and articles to learn more. Talk to assault advocates at rape crisis centers, women’s centers, and elsewhere. Advocates are available to support significant others, friends and family members as well as survivors.
* Reassure them that you still love them.
* Take care of yourself. When you are close to someone who has been assaulted, it is natural for you to go through a similar kind of psychological trauma. You may also feel pain, guilt, shame and powerlessness. You may become angry. You must take care of yourself and find healthy ways to deal with your feelings in order to support the survivor.
Based on work done by Sabina White, Lecturer, Department of Sociology Director, Health Education Department, University of California, Santa Barbara
Benefits of Coming Out as a Survivor
There has been a lot of buzz outside of the anti-violence about the Center for Public Integrity’s report about sexual assault on college campuses. I was pleased to see that mainstream media like CNN feature the lead reporter and the survivors’ stories on their TV network as well as on their website. In times where we have to Google our own names regularly to make sure there’s nothing posted that could cost us a job, the decision to come out as a rape survivor means even more: even more hits will appear with your name with pages that you cannot control or delete.
While it may seem like a decision that is hard to understand, the bravery behind choosing to publicly claim one’s status as a rape survivor can have many positives. Even if you are not a survivor yourself it is good to be well-educated about the aftermath of rape and how victims act accordingly – especially if you will be an organizer/activist in your community against sexual violence. Know how to respond if someone divulges to you this information – a good place to start is this post at Feministing called “It’s your duty to respond well to your friend’s sexual assault disclosure” – or even to the world. You’re still amongst that audience even if they didn’t tell you in an one-on-one setting.
Speaking out about sexual violence can be a vital step to towards recovery for survivors. It also fights rape culture in the sense that it shows that being raped is nothing of which to be ashamed. Why should one should be ashamed of something out of their control? People normally aren’t too embarrassed to say that their car got stolen. Why? Because it’s not their fault the thief took it.
In Trauma and Recovery, Judith Herman writes, “Many survivors seek the resolution of their traumatic experience within the confines of their personal lives. But a significant minority, as a result of the trauma, feel called upon to engage in a wider world.” This can be beneficial not only to the community (brings more awareness and fights the rape myths and the culture of secrecy and shame on sexual violence survivors), but also personally to the survivor – socially, spiritually, and otherwise.
The decision whether to come out as a survivor is a serious one and while it has many pros, there are other cons as well of which one should be well aware. While there is a growing population of people who are aware of rape myths and the ridiculousness of victim blaming, there is still a vocal part of society that is quick to attack the background or actions of the victim.
Further reading about speaking out after sexual assault:
Speaking Out: The Benefits for Survivors of Sexual Assault at Pandora’s Aquarium
Break the Silence at Surviving to Thriving
Vindication for Rape Victims at JPost.com
Experts: Rape victims who speak out gain strengthat Newsday.com
Originally posted at Change Happens.
April is
Rape Awareness Month,
1 in 3 women. You know someone who has been affected by this terrible crime. Talking is the key to healing.
Reblog this please?!
