A Community Voice

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tips for stopping a problem as a bystander:

* Look out for number one. “Always think about your own safety first,” Taylor says. “Look at who’s around who could back you up if necessary. If you’re inside, say at a bar or social event, figure out where the doors are.”

* Speak to the victim. “When you’re thinking about intervening, address the person you think is being targeted,” Taylor says. “Say to her, ‘Are you OK?’ Or, ‘Can I do anything?’ Or, ‘Do you want to come with me?’ This won’t necessarily solve the situation, but it will let her know that there are other options. It will let her know that people are seeing what’s happening, and it lets the harasser know the same thing. There are witnesses, and it’s not going to go unnoticed.”

* Make a scene. “For example, you could draw attention to it by saying something like, ‘This guy is putting his hands all over her!’ Or, ‘This guy is harassing her!’ and that could draw enough attention to the situation that the harasser would cut it out,” Taylor says. “Airing any of these things, and making them more visible, will ultimately make them better.” “Now, the harasser may respond by saying, ‘Who are you? This has nothing to do with you! She doesn’t mind!,’” Taylor says. “But you still have transformed what’s going on, and possibly made it safer. The harasser talking back doesn’t mean it didn’t work.”

* Even if the victim doesn’t ask for help, you can still do something. “Like with everything, it totally depends on the situation,” Taylor says. “Especially if it’s a partner thing, you may hear the victim respond, ‘Oh, I’m okay, go away.’ But I still think it makes a difference that it was noticed and recognized.”

sexist

Suppose you are with men who are harassing women (or anyone else):

* Refuse to join in. Do not make any comments yourself.

* Discourage others from doing so. Tell them the person is not enjoying it or tell them to leave the person alone.

* At a suitable time, raise the issue about public harassment with your friends and explain why it is inappropriate to treat people that way. Suppose you see a man/men harassing women (or anyone else):

* If it looks like a man is bothering a woman, ask her, “Is someone bothering you?” That question alone may deter a harasser who believes no one will intervene. If she says yes and the harasser does not leave or persists harassing, tell the harasser to stop or call for assistance (from police, a transit authority worker, or other people nearby).

* If a woman in a crowd says she has just been harassed or had someone touch her inappropriately, call out a supportive comment such as, “Whoever did that, it is not welcome,” or “We do not tolerate that behavior.”

* If you see a woman who has been verbally or physically abused, you can ask her if there is anything you can do to help. If she says no, leave, because you do not want to be another person intruding on her space. If she says yes, try to help her as best you can.

Most of the male allies I surveyed in Dec. 2009 (82 percent) said they would be willing to intervene when they see someone harassing a woman, 17 percent said they had intervened once, and 46 percent said they had intervened more than once. Here are tips some of them offered to other men who are unsure how or are afraid to intervene:

* I’ve found that distractions and indirect interventions help best. Asking for directions, asking for the time, or other innocuous questions can often be enough of a distraction for a harasser to go away and move on, without causing a big scene or putting anyone in physical danger.

* I do not address the man/group harassing the female. I simply offer my presence.

* You don’t have to be loud and physically confrontational. You can simply distract harasser by saying “waddup” or you can just stay in open view so it won’t escalate to a rape scenario.

* Where possible, intervene by giving control to the target of the harassment (e.g. “is he bothering you?” or “are you okay?”).

* Just do the right thing. I think there are times when a harasser may be intimidating even to other males, but you have to find the intestinal fortitude to stand up for women in these situations. Otherwise, it’s as if we are giving the harassers tacit approval to continue their behaviors.

* Go in fast and loud and willing to do just about anything.

* Be aware of the situation, know what your advantage is, and if confronting a group situation, make sure you are interacting with the leader, and have contacted the police.

* Don’t turn a blind eye, confront them even if it’s awkward, even if it’s not socially acceptable, do it anyways…Remember that many women are not in the situation where they are safe speaking up for themselves.

Many of the suggestions that do not directly challenge a harasser, such as asking the woman if she wants help or asking the harasser what time it is, are excellent to use when one is not sure if it is harassment that is occurring, if they do not want to dis-empower the woman, or if they fear becoming the target of the harasser’s inappropriate behavior themselves. Something as simple as clearing one’s throat or coughing can help defuse a situation too, particularly if a harasser does not notice other people are around (such as on a dark street).

for men

Do not be silent It cannot be emphasised how important it is - marginalised bodies can never be silent. We must never stop talking, we should never stop criticising, we should never stop communicating.  And sometimes silence is demanded by the sheer soul destroying effort that speaking brings. The knowledge that most people don’t care. The comments demanding you to educate, the comments that force you to go back and explain the basic problem over and over again. The comments that constantly doubt and question your experience, that constantly minimise it or dismiss it. Even the comments that just burst with well meaning cluelessness - it erodes at the will to speak.  But for me, most importantly of all, we must speak because our detractors will not be silent. While we are quiet, while we are polite, while we are patient, while we are intimidated, despondent or otherwise silent - our enemies still speak.  If we are silent, we cede the debate. We concede the frame. They get to set the agenda. They get to be the ones heard. They are the ones that set the terms, that speak unchallenged.  It is wrong. It is a problem. It is not acceptable - and I’m going to keep talking until that changes. - Silence is justice delayed

White Ribbon Campaign - Violence against women is a MEN’S issue. ac

littlelightx:

Why violence against women is also a men’s issue:

• Men are the main perpetrators of violence
• The lives of partners, friends, sisters and daughters of men are damaged by violence and abuse
• Men can speak out and intervene when male friends and relatives insult or attack women
• Men can help create a culture where the behaviour of a minority, who treat women and girls with contempt or violence, becomes unacceptable
• Men can examine their own behaviour and consider changes which will create a world based upon gender equality

10 things men can do to help prevent male violence against women:

1. Realise that gender violence is a men’s issue that affects women we care about
2. Never remain silent – confront abusive behaviour of other men
3. Understand how our own attitudes and actions may perpetuate sexism and violence – work towards changing them
4. Offer help and support if we suspect a woman is being threatened
5. Respect women and treat them as equals
6. Ally with women who are working to end all forms of gender violence
7. Speak out against homophobia
8. Educate ourselves about masculinity, gender inequality and the root causes of gender violence
9. Mentor young men about ways to be men that do not involve degrading or abusing women
10. Refuse to purchase any magazines, videos or music that portrays women in a degrading or violent manner

Find out more on the White Ribbon Campaign website - whiteribboncampaign.co.uk

Two Student Activists Speak Against Rape on Campus

wagatwe:

Amanda Hess over at The Sexist highlighted recently two students who have been speaking out in regards to rape on their campus - in two very different ways. The first student wrote about their experience as a survivor at Columbia University in the Columbia Spectator. Another student turned to Facebook as a way to name students as the rapists of other students.

If you have been following the issue of schools inadequately addressing sexual assault, sadly what the Columbia survivor isn’t as shocking, but for me it definitely was as heartbreaking (probably because I could relate to many facets of her story). The student went into the judicial process feeling confident about the sexual assault policy and the hearing panel agreed that she indeed was assaulted. Unfortunately that was not the end.

The panel ruled in my favor with a 30-page report detailing the many ways in which the respondent had violated the policy, as well as seven different recommended sanctions, the harshest of which included suspension for the remainder of the semester. The report and panel decision was then forwarded to Kevin Shollenberger, dean of student affairs and judicial affairs, for approval….I never imagined that the sanctions would be struck down, pared down to the mere removal of the respondent from housing and a mark on his record.

I was at first impressed to see that the panel actually reached the conclusion that the respondent was guilty, but sadly one person was able to drastically diminish the original sanction agreed on by multiple people. This is slightly reminiscent of the case at UMass-Amherst where a admitted rapist got no punishment whatsoever.

The survivor also hints that they believe that if “the respondent been a member of the community without money and power, this entire case would have turned out completely differently,” which is completely unsurprising as well. At schools like Columbia, unfortunately there oft seems to be implications of other additional politics at play when a student allegedly rapes another student. While she can’t do anything about her particular case (or could she?), she is speaking out in hopes that sharing her story will be a stepping stone to creating change.

The student at American University was not a survivor of campus rape herself, but posted a note naming students by name as rapists. It understandably caused a lot of ruckus on campus, including supporters of the students she named harassing her in person while walking around campus and calling her at late hours of the night.

However, harassment was not the only result of her bold Facebook act. Amanda writes,

After removing the note, Rubenstein finally heard from the woman she had followed into the bedroom. “That’s the most beautiful thing that came out of all this,” says Rubenstein. “She called me and asked me why I took my status down…She said that if the other victims decide they want to do something, that she might want to be there to do something too,” she says.

And while I am not encouraging all students to write statuses and Facebook notes naming students as rapists,  I think it is great that she was able to support a stranger and help a survivor.

In the case of sexual assault and rape it often is too late to change the original event, but the aftermath is just as important as the rape. I applaud the women for wanting to help others and being so brave to take a stance on such a serious issue and hope that the ripple effect of their actions go far.

Originally posted at Change Happens